The Pride Wave

Story appeared in the 2021 issue of QMS Connections Magazine.

BY HAYLEY PICARD, Director of Communications & Marketing

“Check your bias at the door.”

As rainbow balloons and an enormous blow-up unicorn decorate the campus, students, faculty and staff dance, sing, wave flags and cheer, welcoming the community to QMS’s very first Pride Day. June 11, 2021 will forever be marked in QMS history with multicoloured highlighters as special, a colourful celebration of inclusion and diversity. Yet, getting to this place has taken time with intentional work to change.

Change Is Hard

It is a process, and creating meaningful change in an institution as old as QMS has been filled with highs and lows. Throughout the years, voices have risen, calling for recognition and the creation of safe spaces. Sadly, sometimes it takes larger social change to reinforce the efforts of the few.

For members of the QMS LGTBQ2+ community, change may have been slow, but it is finally happening. The first measurable evidence of this change came with the announcement that the School would transition to an all-gender student population from Preschool through Grade 12, beginning in the fall of 2019. This, paired with the introduction of a gender-neutral uniform, was followed by the construction of gender-neutral washrooms, professional development for staff, and the adoption of a Sexual Orientation and Gender Identification (SOGI) policy that better recognizes and protects students and staff. These small steps have been vital to sparking dialogue and creating conversations.

Change Is Painful

With progress comes the need to reflect on the past. This was the case when QMS unveiled a new pride logo in June 2021. The event triggered painful memories for some former students who are members of the LGTBQ2+ community. The following virtual Zoom conversations provided a meaningful way for School leadership to be accountable for the past, while sharing current actions being taken. Our hope is that these hard conversations will continue and promote healing.

Truthfully, it is our students who have been the force behind the pride wave, speeding up the evolution for acceptance of diversity and inclusion at QMS. It has been through several years of GSA Club work, student participation in GLSEN’s Day of Silence, and advocacy by staff/student allies to alter perspectives. This work culminated in a successful SOGI week hosted by the Stigma-Free Club and sparked plans for the School’s Pride Day celebrations. Their tireless work has created engaging events that have helped to educate their peers, faculty, and staff on the history of Pride Day.

Change Is Good

For one little boy though, Pride Day was about more than just rainbows and smiles. To him, it became clear that he was accepted for being himself.

Following a loving Facebook post by his father, Jared, that went viral, Finnigan Williams (‘34) has become known around the world. “He’s just a boy who likes to wear dresses,” explains his mother, alumni Asti Williams (1990–1995). “The day we drove onto campus for Pride, it was so positive and amazing. We drove through the cheering section twice!”

Finn’s gender diversity came at an early age and when he started attending QMS, the Williams family was not sure it would work. “Finn started asking about wearing the tartan, and we were expecting an up-hill battle, but the teachers were extremely supportive. Getting around pre-conceived notions has been challenging. Some students weren’t kind when he wore the tunic and he was traumatized. He didn’t know what a closet was, but he went into it—he still won’t wear the tartan.”

So, when his parents outlined what Pride Day was about, Finn’s spirits lifted. “He yelled, I want to wear a dress to the party!” shares Asti. “He was so excited to wear a dress to school, so he wore a beautiful pink dress and that is the photo Finn allowed Jared to share with the world.” That photo resulted in messages pouring in from families around the globe. Finn’s courage has become an inspiration to other little boys who want to wear dresses.

“One day, every day will be Pride Day.”

Even Asti admits that they are still learning as a family. “We are very open and understanding, but it wasn’t until we thought Finnigan might be transgender before we started educating ourselves. We want to be prepared, armed with information and be there for him,” she continues. “If someone looks visibly different, or is doing something that is different from your social norms, hold that within yourself. Check your bias at the door. It’s not their job to explain themselves, and you don’t have to understand it to accept it. Use Google, read library books, learn, grow.”

Asti’s hopes for Finn are simple. “I hope he never loses his authenticity,” she smiles. “He can always soldier forth with his determination. When Finn is on his path, he never loses his way, and I hope he maintains this. Hate in this world does not deter him from being himself and doing what makes him happy.”

She urges others to be genuine in their desire to understand and learn from the LGTBQ2+ community. “Stumbling blocks will happen,” she shrugs. “Generally, people aren’t too upset about that, as long as you are trying.”

Change Is Love

Are we there yet? No. However, QMS is committed to continuing to build on the positive foundation established this school year. The aim is to ensure that everyone at QMS feels safe, accepted and celebrated so that one day—every day will be Pride Day.